Monday night I felt sick to my stomach. Very sick. It was sort of a nervous flew-like feeling. So I put myself to bed and didn’t wake up for nearly 25 hours. I missed all of Tuesday. I was shocked when I saw that an entire day had gone by. It was 3 a.m. “Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf” was playing on repeat on the dvd player, paused on my computer was “Divorce His, Divorce Hers”, and before I went to sleep I had just finished a chapter of “Furious Love: The Story of Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton”.
I watched some more of Elizabeth (I’ve been on a real Elizabeth Taylor Bender lately). And then around 8 am, I talked to my friend, Ack who had just gotten into work. The other line rang and it was Eric, who I haven’t really spoken to in months. I was curious, but I had a funny feeling too. When I clicked over, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Have you seen the news?”. I just knew. And then he told me that Elizabeth was dead. My gut reaction was to say, “Are you sure?”. I double, triple, quadruple checked... it was true. I immediately started crying. I felt as though I’d lost a family member, a mother figure, a friend...
Now, to some people, I’m sure this sounds melodramatic and silly and all day I’ve been accused of being just that. But anyone who really knows me knows why this hit me the way it did.
It’s taken me all day to gather my thoughts and I’ve gone through so many emotions today just thinking about this woman and all the lessons I’ve learned from her throughout my life. This post isn’t yet another “Greatest Hits” post. I don’t want to talk about her men, her jewels, her films...etc... I want to talk about how one figure can effect a person’s life so profoundly even though you’ve never met them.
Growing up, I always say, I was raised by Turner Classic Movies. I made it my business to read as many books, watch as many documentaries, and suck up as much knowledge as I could about old Hollywood and the people in it. Judy, Bette Davis, and Elizabeth Taylor were just three of the women I wanted to know the most about and who I learned the most from.
Elizabeth. NOT Liz! She hated being called Liz ever since she was a child. She was a force of nature, a survivor, an incredibly human superhuman. She’s been revived from death more times than even I know off hand, which is why I didn’t want to believe this was it. She’s survived great heartbreak, lifelong back problems, broken bones, hip replacements, brain cancer, skin cancer, and a multitude of other diseases and ailments in her 79 years. Now, you say to yourself, “Well, 79...she lived a long life”... WHAT a life she packed into those years! More than most people can fit into a hundred!
Elizabeth Taylor taught me the importance of being an individual. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it and she didn’t let anything get in her way. She was subjected to great public scrutiny for her colorful personal life which she lived to HER standards. No one else’s. That is exactly how I’ve always chosen to live my own life. She was truly fearless. She loved hard and often and was not ashamed of it. Perhaps, that’s the most important lesson she passed on to me. NEVER be ashamed to love. Life is too short and hate accomplishes nothing. If you truly love someone, embrace it. Embrace them and let them know it.
She was beautiful, decadent, glamorous, and larger than life. Yet talk to anyone who knew her and they’ll tell you she was the most approachable, loving, loyal, down to earth person in the world. She was literally the first celebrity to speak out about HIV/AIDS research, again disregarding warnings of even her lifelong friends “not to get involved”. She opened so many doors for America that we do things because of her we don’t even realize. She changed the way movies were made, she changed the way scandals and press are presented, she was a woman of a lot firsts. No matter what she went through, though, she was never bitter and always picked herself up and dusted herself off. Her will was so strong, that I think she fought her way back from death all those times because she knew it wasn’t her time. So, if she allowed herself to go this time, she must’ve known it was her time.
To us, the “misfits” of the world, Elizabeth Taylor is a hero. She embraced anyone she thought needed her, again, with no apology. Like Judy, I’ll always carry Elizabeth in my heart and mind and follow her lead when I find myself in a hopeless situation. The world is a better place for having had her in it.
Rest in Peace, Elizabeth. No words can truly reveal the appreciation I have for your presence on Earth. <3
