Depression

Before I begin my rant here, I just want to let everyone know that I most certainly DO NOT see Judy as the poster-girl for depression. I just love that picture and I've seen that face many times on many depressed people (including myself) so I thought it would be a good example.

Depression. So many things come to mind when we here that word. We live in a society where nearly everyone's answer to "How are you?" is "Tired" or "Depressed". Even though, medical science has made extraordinary advances in the treatment of depression and similar emotional and psychological disorders and diseases...yes, DISEASES, many people are still scrutinized and judged for their way of dealing with them. And, as usual, by people who have no idea what they're talking about.

Depression is a disease just like diabetes or alcoholism (which is also controversial, but trust me, it is a genetic disease). Most of the research I've done for this article has been by myself. I've read a bit, but I've been doing that for years. My goal right now is to share my own personal experiences and opinions on the subject.

I've suffered from mild to severe depression for a great many years. Many members of my family also suffer from it, indicating it's heredity. Finally, after years of absolute inner torment, and trying everything I could think of to "snap out of it", I decided to give antidepressant medication a try. And it saved my life!

Now, it wasn't without trial and error. I tried Zoloft (which helps my mother a great deal), cymbalta, Prozac, Wellbutrin, and a few others before I discovered Pristiq, which is one of the newer names on the market and part of the new generation of antidepressants. This was at a time when I had hit what I'd call rock bottom. I didn't get out of bed for three months. When I first started my regime of 50 mg a day, It was slow acting, but after about three weeks, I had the courage to get up and face the world again.

Many things cause depression and there are many kinds of depression. Hereditary, post-pardom, seasonal, environmental...and there are many different ways to treat it. Drugs are not always the answer.

With me, the best way I could describe it is that it was like living in the eye of a storm, never knowing what was going to happen next. I'd be fine one minute and then the next minute I'd be crying. One minute I'm happy, the next, I'm enraged. And all the time with this crippling anxiety that sometimes became so severe I was sure I was having a heart-attack. It's then that you start acting out and then it's not about you anymore it's about the poor people around you who have to deal with it as well. Therapy or at least someone who understands is essential to the healing of depression because if you've never been through it, you simply don't understand. And watching from the outside just makes the person in question look like a crazy attention seeker, which is absolutely ridiculous. No one would chose this.

Here are just a few of the things that just piss me off about people's narrowed views of depression. The thing that probably makes me the most mad is the drug thing. People who call antidepressants "Happy Pills". My father for example, is under the impression that you pop one of these pills and get high. Far from it! They take weeks and months to work and even then, you don't feel any sort of extra pleasurable effects. You feel normal. The whole point is to align the chemicals that become unbalanced in your brain naturally that cause depression.

I've heard so many absurd things... "You want to be this way", "You have no will power", "You're weak", "Just snap out of it", blah, blah, blah. It's not that simple when it's all out of your control. If it was in your control it wouldn't be happening to you.

My point is this, if you or someone you know suffers from any type of depression, don't turn a deaf ear to them and don't allow yourself to feel guilty for feelings and behavior that you have no control over. Help is out there. Even though it may seem like it, you're not alone. So, please, be honest, recognize the problem and do something about it. Otherwise, this disease will take hold of you and rule your life. You can be stronger than it. Sometimes all it takes is a little faith in yourself.

Tyler Clementi

Ellen's Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br7nbQSIyhg

Article:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/victim-secret-dorm-sex-tape-commits-suicide/story?id=11758716

A few days ago, I was sitting out on the porch with Andrew having a cup of coffee and relaxing. His mother, Robin came home with red eyes. She had been crying. She told us that she couldn't wait all day to get home and see us and call her son, Matt because she had read about Tyler Clementi's suicide. Tyler was an 18 year old college student who committed suicide as a result of a rather despicable case of cyber bullying. I'm pretty sure everyone knows the story by now, so I'm not going to rehash it. I posted the ABC News article and video above this entry.

It's rare that I comment on stories like this. It's not that I don't feel compassion for these kinds of things, I'm just not usually inclined to openly share my opinions. However, this hit really close to home. I know a lot of Rudgers students and I also know a lot of victims of bullying and teasing and ignorance. Well, to be honest, I've been one myself. After seeing how upset Robin was about this, it really made me think. First off, that is exactly the reaction that all parents should have when hearing things like this. She's a textbook example of a good parent and I look up to her. The more I hear and read about this, the more it just makes me sick to my stomach. I have to let it out somehow.

There is no one in the world who has the right to pass judgement on another person for any reason, especially about something they can't change about themselves. And no one has the right to use the word "shame". Anyone who says to a child or even an adult, "You should be ashamed of yourself" needs to realize the harm they can be doing. This kid was 18 and felt he had no choice but to end his life because of some meaningless, senseless, act of spite, hatred, and I'll bet anything, a healthy dose of insecurity and self-loathing on their part.

This kind of hatred and intolerance starts very early. I've seen it happen. I've always loved the Rodgers & Hammerstein song, "Carefully Taught" because it's true. Children watch you so closely. They're like sponges that soak everything up. It's every parents responsibility to be there for their kids, to support and love them unconditionally. It's also our duty as humans to be there for one another and really think to yourself, "How would I feel if someone did this to me?". And if the answer isn't a good one, DON'T DO IT! I've grown up around intolerance, negativity, and all the rest of it. I was lucky enough to find a strong sense of myself and to find people who would be there to help and support and love me. Not everyone is so lucky.

What else has to happen before we all step up and do something? Before people realize that hating another person for any reason is just a complete waste of energy and makes no sense? I just think we all need to stop being so apathetic and silent and pay more attention to the people around us. If you see someone who looks a little down, would it kill you to ask them what's wrong? It's so important to let the people you care about know how you feel about them. You never know when that knowledge might come in handy. I think we're often too shy or embarrassed to share those feelings. Why? I don't see what harm can come from letting someone know you care and that they're not alone. People thinking they have nowhere to turn is what leads to things like this.

Another thing that needs to stop is the ridiculous and completely out of hand spreading of lies and gossip about people. I've always been amazed by the projection of self-loathing onto others. It's incredible to think how many people feel better about themselves when they hear something negative about another person. It's a little sick when you think about it. If you need another person's downfall to feel good about yourself, then you have a serious problem that has nothing to do with them. There's no reason for anyone not feel comfortable in their own skin and others shouldn't give them a reason. The reasons don't really exist and they're dangerous weapons that can destroy you.

In the final analysis, I suppose the whole point of my writing this was just to put my two cents in and express how I feel about this. But also to say that the world needs to realize how much we all need each other. We inhabit this tiny planet together and to survive, it will have to be together or not at all. No matter what they are or what they do, people are people with feelings and hearts and minds. Everyone needs to remember that and not let one thing about another person define your opinion and drive you to do things to hurt or harm them. These kids who are teased and tormented aren't just pictures in your mind. They're human beings just like you, and they're entitled to the same respect that all humans are.

You've got to be taught
To hate and fear
You've got to be taught
From year to Year
It's got to be drummed
in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught
To be Afraid
Of people whose eyes
are oddly made
And people whose skin
Is a different shade
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught
Before it's too late
Before you are 6 or 7 or 8
To hate all the people
your relatives hate
You've got to be carefully taught